My temp job has ended a week and a half ago. I'm glad... and not. But Lord will have provision for me, I know that for sure. He has come through for me in the past, and He will do so again. So I do not worry about that.
But I do seek a new job, and praying earnestly that God will place me where I can be of use to His cause. I'm tired of jobs where I feel like I'm wasting time there, contributing nothing to helping people or spreading God's word. I feel there is no other true meaning to this life anymore, other than the higher purpose of life, which is sharing the good news of Jesus with others, helping them in their troubled lives and being ready for Christ's coming.
This life, my life has become so ugly I try not to think about it. From a very happy, somewhat sheltered life I went straight into one of the worst turmoils life can offer... with God's help I walked out of it, so foolishly hoping for happiness again, just to be bitterly dissapointed and hurt again... ah. Sometimes I do feel like I lost everything... my parents, my brother, my friends, my job I liked, all my posessions, my husband, and my Big Brother to boot. And that makes for rather battered existance right now. But I haven't lost hope. Not yet.
I long for the happy days when having a baked potatoe would so simply bring happiness into my heart. Seems like I did not appreciate enough what I had then, when parents were still here, when I wasn't lacking, when I was happy and ignorant of pain. Although I did appreciate it immensly. When things seemed so much simpler and easier... And that alone makes me think: should I appreciate this time as well? This time right now when I am provided with a roof over my head, soft bed, warm room and not lacking in food..? Will there be a time when I look back and miss my current situation? I am blessed to talk to my brother every now and then and he did say he noticed satan's attacks triple in strength and intensity in the last few months. And I must say, I agree with him; I see it all over. There are few people that I know where in Cali that are honestly and truly longing to follow Jesus and I see their lives turning into tangles of problems. I wish I could help them, but so often there is so much one can do. Or is allowed to do, despite the yearning heart.
Today seemed to cry with me, but sun came out finally and I can't help but think of the immense blessings I receive every day. I do make new friends, Sunday was joyfully spent at a farm and on trails taking pictures with a friend, and Monday I joyfully dug in friends' garden, seeking flower bulbs and playing with squirmy earth worms. Today I commenced my language studies, sadly neglected so much that I had to review even the alphabet itself. Martin's been missing me ever since my hand problems, but I pray for that God helps me with finding a good teacher. And tonight we'll have another Camera Training at Sacramento Central Church. I find such abandonment when I'm behind my camera taking pictures, or even more so behind the video camera, where nothing else matters but what you see in the screen. A different world I like to get lost in for a moment.
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