It's going to be 3 months in California soon. Today was in the 60s and it truly felt like spring was coming. My reception job is going on second month there, I honestly don't know how long it'll last, and they don't tell me anything. I'm pretty good at what I do, I can multitask like crazy, do phones, distribute mail, do orders, invoices, checks, balance money at the end of the day, set up appointments and reserve meetings, take in visitors and hunt down sales reps who forget to turn in their sales tags... Now that I mastered it all, I feel like I need another challenge, another something.
I"m going to admit it. It's hard. Extremaly hard. And this year is harder than I ever imagined. I was hoping the new year will be great, but it's horrible, and I feel like I'm in the same spot as I was last year... only this time around is worse: no family for support, no steady income, strange place with no seasoned friends, practically no belongings, nobody special to comfort me and offer heartfelt support.. but the heartache is the same, if not worse... yeah, it's worse. I'm trying to see the beautiful people and the beautiful wonders of this world, and the amazing places that God put me in... but I can't seem to see much now... all the little wonders, sometimes I do notice them... like that woodcutter I saw at the post office... or the woman with a bunny sitting outside of starbucks.... or all the pretty palm trees I pass everyday...
Right now I am where I am. I have no way of moving either way, I know God provided in miraculous ways for me to get here. I know that! So I'm right where I'm supposed to be... but why the heartaches???? Why the rejection? Again?
But I do need to live... haven't been eating anything, second day now... fasting, praying, holding onto the last glimmer of hope and faith, begging God for a miracle... I can only pray and see what happens, God wants us to expect great things from Him!
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