Today marks my 15 years in the US. I remember it like yesterday, coming to a new country, everything different and strange, even the air smelled different and the sky seemed a lot lower.... an incredible adventure to an innocent and ignorant 18 year old girl. Wow. And so much happened in this time, so much! My life was thrown up-side-down and twisted inside-out, shaken to the core a thousand times and sent on a rollercoaster that doesn't seem to want to end... And like Danny said today in his health lecture, I'm clunged to Jesus and I'm hanging on during the ride, because that's the only thing I have left. And wherever that rollercoaster takes me, as long as I'm holding on to Jesus... well, I'll go there. And it did take me through dark and scary forests, through deep, salty tear filled oceans, through aches and pains, slaps in the face, rugs pulled from under my feet, dissapointments, hearaches, and everything else... But God is good.
God is so good He gave me an anniversary gift. A beautiful day, filled with what I love most. He knows what I need. I had a breakdown last weekend. I just couldn't live anymore, couldn't carry my pain, and my sufferings anymore... I just dropped almost dead and cried and cried and told God what I really think and feel. I broke. Flat on my face. Again. And I couldn't pull myself up, I cried to God and He began to pull me up. Slowly but consistently. I thought I lost hope and faith completely, but no, I just needed to trust Him like a child, all anew. And two days ago I felt actually somewhat happy. Yesterday I woke up happy and optimistic, and full of hope - something I haven't felt in a long time. It felt good. I went for a run.
Today I ran the camera again for sac central and I absolutely loved it! Every time! Then I got introduced to somebody who's a guitar teacher at the central church. I've been looking for a Christian teacher for a while. And Jim, a dear friend of mine got baptized today - praise God! So happy!!! I went to find him to give him a congratulation hug and found him with a group of people, including Henry, his son Adam and his wife. Lovely. :) Half hour later I drove to Southgate church for Danny's lecture. I almost didn't go... I thought Big Brother wouldn't be there, but last night I found out he will, and I wasn't sure if I should go... but the Holy Spirit's been telling me I needed to go, plus I knew I needed to hear the message. I just knew I needed it. I invited 6 people to go with me, but (sadly that only one person) only Olivia said she'll come, and she did. She's like my sister, maybe I should adopt her :) I'd now have Little Sister, Big Brother and a Twin Sister - twin, because she's so like me in many aspects. :) Incredible.
Had some hard time before the lecture, I so wanted to be friendly and let go, which I did, but once you're put on the spot, it's hard. So I beamed more pain than happines and friendship. And that didn't help at all... Charmaine was so precious. she sat with me and Olivia and we got to chat a bit. And Danny's lectures were such a blessing, exactly what I needed to hear! The guy next to me was sniffling twice to the point that Olivia went to get him some tissue, hahaha! But at times I had to bow my head and let the tears flow because it was as if he was talking to me. About me. And on our way out Danny did say 'I was watching you, and looking out for you'. I know he was. I saw him. He knows. But it was so healing. I needed to hear all that.
And God made a miracle. In me. I wasn't angry or upset or hurting. I was able to talk, and open up and be honest yet guarded and share for the first time in... maaan, long months!!!! That was something new, and I was grateful that I didn't want to beat up Big Brother or rip his eyes out... not from hatered, never, but from the contorted and wrenched up and caring emotions inside. I was grateful for what God gave me that day, that moment. I embraced it with thanksgiving, leaving all to Him. He knows.
I was happy. Spend time with Christ loving people. met so many new people too.... it still amazes me how God changed me from this incredibly shy and timid girl to someone loving people so much that I go out and talk to strangers, become friends and connect with so many of them, and people come to me... they come to me, they want to be friends, they open up, they share... God's love is bottomless! And that's marvelous! And health oriented! We ended up talking to the sniffling guy next to us for nearly an hour after the last lecture, about health of course. And then I got to chat with Big Brother, and then a bit with Charmaine too.... And did I mentioned camera in the morning? :) :) Such lovely day deserved to be topped with with a great vegan dinner and a lovely girl talk, so Olivia picked the Sugar Plum.
I got a taste of fulfilling happiness, oh, I haven't felt that in ages. Praise God for today, and for His incredible emotional healing. Praise God for His gifts today. Praise God for His health message, for me, a still very broken and hurting but mending soul. Praise God for the beautiful people He puts on my path. Praise God for my friends and their love and compassion and understanding. And their support. And praise God for this incredibly warm weather! Nowhere in PA I'd see blooming trees and flowers in February! :D
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