Being a single girl in a new state, and without family around sure ain't easy. But when I look at where I've been, and what I went through, the pain and literal hell on earth, and how God brought me through it, and then how He provided, took care of and lead me all the way here, when I think of all I went through this year I know that God will keep on leading me on. He won't leave me nor forsake me. He'll provide. And He'll give me strength to keep on going. No matter how hard it gets.
I had a job offer. Full time and pretty decent pay for starters. But they required me to work Friday nights, and that's God's Sabbath, from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown. I can't break God's commandments. They asked me to 'rethink' the Sabbath, but I can't break God's commandments. Period. God's been too good to me to disobey. And that's not even a reason. So I'm back to square one, still looking for a job. I don't regret the decision, I never would!!! Just the other day I was reading The Ministry of Healing, and it said that God has thousands of ways to provide for us, of which we know nothing!!! But sometimes He waits, so that His will be done and He'll be glorified. That gave much such courage, and increased my faith in God, knowing that in His time, He'll place me right where I belong. He knows my heart more than I know it myself. And that's beautiful!
Been playing with Martin a lot, to the poin that I had to stop. My fingers were ready to blister. But I'll pick him up tomorrow. My tuner and strap finally came so I could tune him more properly. Wish he could talk. I miss talking with Jennifer, so very much, it always used to put my head straight. The moment I get a job, I'll set up an appointment with her!!!! But now I don't even have anybody to talk to, and I mean anybody to unload about Big Brother. And job issues. I talk to Jesus a lot :) I like it so much!!!! But I still wish Martin would talk. Or at least listen with understanding. :)
I am slowly making new, beautiful friends here. God knew what He was doing by putting them on my path, Linda and Ed especially, they're like family to me! But I'm hungry for more!!!! :):):) And I want to eat now!!! :D I'm excited about tomorrow, I wonder what will happen. I want to wiggle my way into the media ministry in central, I want to be behind a camera so badly!!!! Last time I was there I had hard time concentrating, was watching this girl behind the jib arm all the time, couldn't stop. It's like a whole new world there, moving pictures, something so beyond me, fascinating!!! It almost eats me up! :)
This past Monday I went to Job One, a career services ran by some church; Big Mama told me about it about two weeks ago, and I so wish I went two weeks ago. It was sooooo good! From 8:30 till 4pm non stop something's going on, from classes, sessions, comp learning, mock interview practices, one on one training, resume workshops... incredible! I met so many lovely people...!!! First half day was orientation for new members (I had to pay one time fee for the materials and handouts) and then after lunch I went to an amazing skill assesment seminar. Really really incredible!!!!! And it was all hands on, we were doing the work and activities in small groups (with total strangers that are like you, looking for a job, but friends very soon!!!), the instructor had little to do, LOL :) I've learned so much! Now I understand why my resume sending out doesn't really work. I understood how networking is the key to getting a job and how to find those hidden jobs. And I got an insight that in reality, there are many many jobs out there, just the process of looking for a job has changed dramatically over the last few years, mainly due to the economy. I still don't know exacly how to go about getting a job, buuuut! All in God's hands; and in the meanwhile, I'll be back to Job One this Monday - it happens every Monday, alwasy with different activities. I'm so grateful that Big Mama told me about it!!!!!!
Big Brother. I had to make some decisions. I read this amazing book 'Boundaries' (ironically suggested to by Big Brother, but I can see how it can help him big time - knowing that little bit of his personality) and suddenly I began to understand something. Something, that I believe will help me tremendously. It may not help with the hurt I still feel - that's where talking to a friend steps in, and eventually, clearning it out. But I realized how I made a huuuuuuge mistake by allowing myself to see and talk to him. Even in such innocent situations as going down to BV. So. I was left heartbroken. Anybody would. I hurt and couldn't deal with it. Pain. But all he did was to give me a list of reasons (excuses) on why he acted that way and that's it. And from then on went acting as if nothing happened. Now. This is unacceptable. There are consequences to every action. How will he learn that that was beyond hurtful and immature? Especially if I feed into it, fueled by my own desires and feelings? I kicked him out of my FB friends. Right now, he does not deserve to be there. He doesn't deserve to see me, whether he has any feelings left or not. I made a resolution to not go down to BV for the next graduation (oooh, how much I want to do that though, for the testimonies... ayayayay!!!!) either. He will not see me until he clears out the old rubbish lying around. He needs to understand what he did and why it was hurtful, and understand to not do this again, to any other girl that may come his way, and to tell me, straight in my face, with understanding that he's sorry. Because he never even bothered to apologize. And I want a clearance on where he is right now, so I can move on. Left or right, but move on.
Good plan! :)
EDIT: Ooooooooh, one more thing!!!!!!!!!!! All the sucking up he does, makes me sick! I don't care if he comments on other people's posts, but such sucking up to that actress-wanna-be-or-whatever-she-is-who-cares with his pathetic 'hugs' and 'beautiful hearts'.... he can go and have her heart if it's so beautiful, wanking after another pretty face, repeating same broken phrases to her!!!!!! I can see it, like a dog with a waggin' tail between his legs, makes me soooooo sick!!!!!!!! Such MALE! Does he bother comment on any of my pics? No, not even 'that's ugly' or whatever, but hankering after almost every one of her posts and pics. I think I'm gonna puke, right on my laptop all over his and her face! If her heart is so beautiful let him go after that bleached blonde %#$&#$! but there is nothing for him to look after here. Not anymore! And if he does, I'll gladly double crack his nuts for being such insufferable nuthead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There!!!!!! I had ny say!
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