Nov 2 :/

Been job searching half a day yesterday and today.  I found this one amazing job that I know I would absolutely thrive in.  But it's not up to me, God knows where to place me.  I just need to have more faith and don't get discouraged.  And keep on looking.

Went to Elk Grove today with Dick, he needed help with getting back after dropping off his car at some mechanic's place.  And after that I was all over the place.  Mentally.  Couldn't settle.  Couldn't focus.  I need more social.  Was going to go for a walk, technically I could still go, but I don't feel like it.  I'm cold, a bit miserable, and I'd much rather snuggle up in blankies and listen to my tummy making weird noises. It's the cleanse, second day today.  Doing good, feeling light, not feeling hungry at all.  Well, once, but that was my own laziness of not wanting to get my butt up and go juice and make the poultice. 




Actually, I don't feel good right now at all.  I have no job.  And it'll soon be a month here. Can't properly edit pics.  I need the software for RAWs.  I have one leftover avocado that's mocking me and it takes a lot out of me not to eat it.  I may be addicted to avocados.  I still haven't found a free parking space to go back to running at Folsom Lake.  My supposed running buddy is too busy to run, ironically.  I have internal battles with myself, the classic game of principles vs. feelings.  I wish I could stick my head in the sand and wait till it all goes away.  Making decisions is hard sometimes.  My anger at Big Brother surfaces and boils sometimes.  I can't manage it.  The 'old maid' fears are haunting me again.  For all I know it may end up being my reality.  Maybe I could become an old, crazy cat woman, the one that has 30 cats in her place... I have no home church.  I don't belong.  Not yet.  Sometimes having too many choices isn't all that good after all...  And I can't find a proper Friday night Bible Study.  I don't care about just hanging out, I need a real study.  And I go to sleep too late.  And wake up too late.  I need structure.  I need a job.  Yup, it all goes back to a job.  I'll be too busy to be angry, upset, to be thinking and having fights with myself, I'll meet more people, have fun, be happy, be independent, maybe even meet a nice guy friend who'd want to hang out together and do fun things. 
Maaaan, do I need a job! :/