Nov 21 :(

I think I've reached a breaking point.  In everything!

I don't know anymore, I don't know what to do and how to get a job anymore.  I feel stupid and helpless.  I feel like I'm one big nothing, and no matter what I do, it just doesn't work.  I can spend hours, and I'm still back where I started.  Nothing seems to work.  I may really end up under a bridge.  Don't visit me there, I'll be too embarassed. 


I pray for Divine Patience each time I enter the kitchen here.  This man tops everything I've ever seen, he even tops some of my college roomies, and that's something. 


I think I had forgiveness issues.  For Big Brother.  Because, as I searched my heart and asked God to show me, all the anger and frustrations have dissapeared.  Replaced by measured and controlled wisdom, understanding and yet not foolishness.  Finally, principles took over.  Total emotional detachment. 

Indifference, whateverness.  No, not that.  Never that.  


Stiff fingers, either from post RA trauma or from cold.  Who can help me get up at 7am? I can't seem to be able to pour freezing water on my own face... I forgot my laudry again, it's in the washer.  Again.  I'm going mad!

Something's gotta give, or I'll start punching walls soon. 
Need to stay sane, at least tomorrow.  Going to Thanksgiving dinner at Lesya's.  Something lovely to look forward to.  :)